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A Prize For All Your Courage

by CD Barnes

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1.
Celebrity Pharmacist 02:07
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I was standing in line at the payday loan I could have heard a voice calling me home Between the paint and the walls and the silver and chrome Back when my life was still my own I'm a celebrity pharmacist now Just how I make it, I don't know how I'm a celebrity pharmacist now Me and Joe were coming fresh out of work When they picked him outside the Baptist church I saw the light above the wet cement And I knew that I'd lost my chance to repent I'm a celebrity pharmacist now Just how I make it, I don't know how I'm a celebrity pharmacist now Now I'm semisuicidal and a sycophant And living in the winter of our supplements I'm just another talking head Filling up the space between the fear and the dread I'm a celebrity pharmacist now Just how I make it, I don't know how I'm a celebrity pharmacist now Between the oxycontin and the fentanyl And the sedative-hypnotics you're expendable We lost our friends to the Sackler creed Sacrificial lambs to their capitalist greed I'm a celebrity pharmacist now Just how I make it, I don't know how I'm a celebrity pharmacist now I'm a celebrity pharmacist now Just trying to keep the sweat off my brow I'm a celebrity pharmacist now I'm a celebrity pharmacist now Just how I make it, I don't know how I'm a celebrity pharmacist now
2.
Like A War 02:42
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(Four!) I didn't really mean to turn back I just had nowhere else to go I let myself feel the attack Of the words that you said long ago And I love you like we love a war that's just begun But if history repeats, I'll catch a rerun And I love you like we love a war that's just begun But if history repeats, I'll catch a rerun And I'd let myself see you again If it meant I could feel something I'd let my damn therapist win If it meant I could end the numbing Why don't you come on in? You know the water's sweet Help me to tie the cement blocks around my feet Why don't you come on in? You know the water's sweet Help me to tie the cement blocks around my feet And I miss you just like how I miss alcohol My mind's only clear when I'm going through withdrawals And I miss you the way that I miss nicotine If it makes me feel better, how bad could it be? And I love you like we love a war that's just begun But if history repeats, I'll catch a rerun And I love you like we love a war that's just begun But if history repeats, I'll catch a rerun I- And I love you like we love a war that's just begun But if history repeats, I'll catch a rerun And I love you like we love a war that's just begun But if history repeats, I'll (I'm here for that one)
3.
Oppenheimer 02:08
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4.
Forgetting To Love 02:38
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5.
Golden Staircase 02:34
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6.
Jessomae 04:10
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7.
So Good To See 02:38
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It's so good to see him laugh Even if it isn't me Who can give him what he wants, or takes, or needs to still believe And it's so good to see him laugh Like he never did at home Where the bottles and the pills stacked up as if he lived alone And I was running low on temper I was feeling low and mean When I asked him in December when he'd finally up and leave And though he said he was He wasn't too surprised It went like we'd rehearsed another series of goodbyes And it's so good to see him laugh Even if it isn't me Who can give him what he wants, or takes, or needs to still believe I thought I'd find him here At Calhoun's on the strip Enchanting a small crowd of those enamored with his wit I leave before he sees me And puts on a different face I guess I wasn't ready for a joyous man to take his place Li-di-die Li-di-die-di-die Li-di-die, yeah It's so good to see him laugh Even if it isn't me Who can give him what he wants, or takes, or needs to still believe And it's so good to see him laugh Like he never did at home Where the bottles and the pills stacked up as if he lived alone It was so good to see him laugh It was so good to see him laugh It was so good to see him laugh It was so good to see him
8.
Coward 03:16
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9.
The Box and Carrie Carter 02:09
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10.
To California 02:18
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11.
Just A Promise 04:32
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Did you think that I could ever really be myself around you? Did you think that I could ever really be myself without you? I don't know where this is coming from All of my friends are miles away All of my friends are miles away I'm trying not to love you, but you don't make it easy And she told me that Living's just a promise that I made to my parents I might not be okay, so please excuse my disappearance It didn't help, but I'm glad you tried To help me with what's left inside When living's just a promise When living's just a promise I think I'll sip my coffee with a carcinogenic sweetener And think about the ways that I didn't know how to treat her She told me that Living's just a promise that I made to my parents I might not be okay, so please excuse my incoherence It didn't help, but I'm glad you tried To help me with what's left inside Living's just a promise Living's just a promise that I made to my parents I might not be okay, so please excuse my disappearance It didn't help, but I'm glad you tried To help me with what's left inside Living's just a promise Woo!

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released February 4, 2024

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CD Barnes Washington, D.C.

Caleb Davis Barnes got his start in the Charlottesville music scene, playing in the bands Marti, Cluster Funk, and Beezin. In 2024, he is releasing his debut solo album, A Prize For All Your Courage.

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